27th
Thoughts on Courage & the NJ Turnpike Crash 4/25/09
I was unfortunate enough to witness something truly horrific this weekend.
My 4 friends and I were in a minivan, driving down the NJ turnpike when suddenly we saw a huge accident unfold right in front of us. I personally did not witness the point of impact, but a tractor trailer seemed to swerve across the turnpike, running over another car, engulfing it completely in flames. We later learned from news reports that 10 cars total were involved and that 5 people were tragically killed. In real-time, our group guesses we were about 15 seconds behind the crash. Once we’d pulled over to the shoulder (quick thinking, Roland - Thank you.), Roland was the one who immediately said we needed to get out and run towards the scene. I had a Flip Mino HD camcorder on me and began recording as we ran towards the burning vehicle (more on this later). As we ran, I could hear a woman screaming that there was someone trapped in the burning car. (we later learned that the 5 deaths were 5 senior citizens, all in that one car). Everything happened very quickly. On the video, the only natsound you can hear from me is my muttering the word “Jesus” in a tone of utter disbelief while running. Clearly we were in a state of shock and pumped with adrenalin, but I’ll lay out what happened as best as I can remember. About 3-4 people in the closest cars were already at the active scene. My first real vivid memory is seeing one man desperately trying to kick open the door of the burning car and trying to put out the flames with a fire extinguisher. No doubt this man was a hero in every sense. My friends (I did not see this) told me that the small fire extinguisher had been provided by the driver of a tractor trailer on the other side of the median. By the time we were about 50 yards away, the car, already completely enflamed, began to pop and this man and others began retreating, worried that the car would explode. Everything was a bit of a blur and the fireball consumed our attention, despite there being other badly crushed vehicles nearby with people inside them who were also in need of help.
It was the first time I’d ever seen someone die, and the horrible nature of this accident is an image that won’t ever leave my mind. I also won’t forget a woman in the vicinity hysterically crying and shrieking that there were people still inside the car. For some reason, my first thought was that her husband had died. I don’t know why. It was also very, very hot because of the flames. The scene of the burning car also made me momentarily think of Iraq and the footage that we regularly see on news bulletins. Police and fire trucks arrived on the scene very, very quickly. I would speculate within 5 minutes, but all sense of time went out the window at that point. We all remember the first two policemen on the scene to do crowd control. One was more authoritative, yelling at people to get back while the other took a gentler approach. No question about it, people react much better to authority in a situation like that. He came across as domineering, almost unkind, but it had a much stronger effect. I’ll also remember how, later on, two men in the car next to us crossed themselves before driving by the scene once traffic began to move again.
The 5 of us spent a good part of the rest of our weekend going back over the incident and deconstructing what had happened. Now that I’ve had a day to reflect, here are the 3 major things on MY mind.
#1 Could we have done anything differently?
#2 Am I a horrible person for filming as the tragedy unfolded?
#3 Could I count on myself to act heroically if I’d been the first person on the scene?
The short answers are #1 No, #2 Yes and #3 Impossible to say
#1 The five of us spent a lot of time discussing this. By the time we got closer to the burning vehicle, the first citizens on scene were already drawing away from the car, believing that it was about to explode. The man wielding the small hand-held fire extinguisher was powerless to stop the flames. We all agreed that the people in the burning car couldn’t have been helped. But as I mentioned previously, there were other people in cars nearby with severe injuries. Luckily they all survived, albeit with severe injuries. None of us feel that we could have really done anything to help the situation, but upon reflection we agreed that the huge fireball distracted us (and everyone else) from the other vehicles involved. People were trying to fight a losing cause while there were others in a less dire predicament who could have been helped by some encouraging words or company. We all made a pact that were anything like this to happen again, we would try to keep this in the forefront of our minds.
#2 I feel ashamed, but I don’t regret it. The journalist in me made me pick up the camera and switch it on as I left our vehicle. At the same time, the human side of me felt a deep shame for wanting to document the incident. I know this because as we started to run towards the car, I made a conscious decision to sheepishly hold the camera in such a way as to make it as inconspicuous as possible. As a result, the video is very unstready, as I was running with it at my side and not looking through the viewfinder. I did this because I already knew at this point that 1 person (at least) must have died and that I would be filming a crime scene with loss of life. Much later, after the emergency crews arrived and people had begun to gather in morbid curiosity, the police, in commanding tones, instructed people to delete the images they had just taken from their phones. I would hide my camera at these times and film when I had a chance. Clearly the journalistic streak in me won out. Having said that, I’ve made the decision not to post the video on this blog. I’ll probably upload the footage to my private YouTube account and if anyone really wants to see it, then I’ll consider the request). Instead I’ve decided to post one still frame from the video.
#3 I won’t lie. I certainly felt a certain sense of relief at not being the first person on the scene. One’s natural reaction (or rather, mine) was to defer to those already actively engaged in the ordeal. As soon as they began to retreat from the scene, then I felt relieved of the pressure to continue onwards. Of course, a hero may well have acted differently, but it doesn’t make me feel guilty either. In this particular case, I was not foced to act. I was however, close enough where it made me question whether I would have acted properly had I been. Some of us think that it would be impossible not to under the circumstances and that valour would triumph. I really hope so. But the reality is - Look, you’ll never really know until faced with a situation like that. I’d like to believe I’d do the right thing, but hey, I still remember feeling scared that the car would explode even when we were still a fair distance away.
Life is ephemeral. Those 5 people were there one minute and gone the next. Tragic.
It really does make you think. I’ve been lucky in not having experienced many moments of unfolding real-time drama/panic. This will sound cheesy and I am usually one of the most cyncial people I know, but it makes you want to salute all first responders, those in the police and medical professions, firemen who rush into burning buildings, many of my journalistic colleagues who have seen much worse, and of course our men & women in uniform, who sadly have to witness moments like these (and much, much scarier ones) on a day to day basis. I don’t know how they do it. And my heart goes out to the family of the deceased. They were on their way to a wedding.
Matthew Alexander
P.S. Here’s an official report of the accident and package done by WTXF (Fox Philadelphia) http://bit.ly/Om6sw
Also: An article about the deceased in the Star-Ledger
http://www.nj.com/news/index.ssf/2009/04/children_grapple_with_deaths_o.html
